Peace on a Thursday in June

I am not Doing today.

I am just looking, thinking, wondering, breathing.

A lot of the old work here is part of my Sanity Series.  It's a collection. Personal.  It just comforts me, yet, it's been hidden away since the move.  I haven't shared that many thoughts about it.  But I should while I can.

This one, I think I called it something way back, but today... The Liquid Puzzle.

I never had bleeding hearts in my garden before.  They have been multiplying.  I didn't notice last year, they are making seeds!  Beautiful red tipped pods.

Yesterday's Heart was so sure... another, posted about it way back...

And a note to you long term Ragmates, who might remember Christi Carter who was part of this community early on.  I reached out to her a while back and knew she was having health issues but she seemed to be on the mend.  After a long silence I reached out again. Her husband, Ed,  contacted me through her Instagram account  where I had left a comment, and sadly let me know she had passed away in January.  He just posted  on her Facebook Page here,

if you knew here and haven't read it yet.

I'm going for a walk.

PS

I am copying and pasting the face book post here since some of you can't access it. 

This is Ed speaking, Christi's husband. I have sad news.
Christi passed away on January 3 of this year, after suffering from gastric and esophageal cancer since early to mid 2024. She was finally diagnosed by October 2024, after being flown off-island to spend two weeks at St. Joe's in Bellingham. They gave her only as little as 3 months to live, but she started chemo and responded quite well. For much of 2025 she was doing relatively well, and we had a glorious summer, full of sunshine and hope. She enjoyed it so much. We enjoyed it very much.
It may seem odd to say, but the last 15 to 18 months of Christi's life were some of the sweetest times we ever had together -- there were many tender moments. It was the honor of a lifetime to take care of her ... to dote on her ... to comfort her.
The end came unexpectedly. It unraveled slowly and then all at once. After months of doing well, she developed some problems as we neared Christmas of 2025. I took her to the emergency room in Friday Harbor on December 23rd, and we were there for 2 days before they told us that the cancer was constricting her esophagus, but Virginia Mason in Seattle (the top gastro center in the region) might be able to help us. So they flew us there, and we were very hopeful. Alas, there were no good options, unfortunately, and we switched to end-of-life care. She died at Virginia Mason on the morning of January 3rd. To say that she died peacefully doesn't capture the transcendent miracle that she became. She had her wits about her. She died with love ... and kindness ... and bravery ... but most of all with grace and beauty. She was an angel.
I'm sorry to be so late in posting this, but honestly, I have been struggling. I miss her so much. She wasn't just my wife. She was my best friend for 41 years.
There is a memorial for her at the Lopez Island Community Center this coming Saturday, June 20, 2026 from 1 to 3pm. I will have displays of Christi's art, there will be her favorite food (from Setsunai, since Josh and Christi go way back), and there will be music, conversation, and a chance to reminisce. I will also play a video eulogy, since there is no way I would get through a live eulogy without breaking down.
I will post the video eulogy here, too ... after the memorial.
I want to thank everyone on here. Christi died with great tenderness and sweetness. I am SO immensely proud of her. The arc of her life was not easy. She grew up in trying circumstances, raised by a single mother who herself came down with cancer. Christi was all alone by the time she was 20 ... and by all alone, I mean "all alone". No parents, no grandparents, no cousins, aunts, uncles ... no home ... and no money. She put herself through school and somehow made a life for herself. When you grow up under trying circumstances, you don't have big dreams. You just want a person who won't abandon you, and a home no one can take away from you. She got it. Christi died with her person by her side, and a home she didn't just love, but one she felt safe in.
I hope to see some of you at her memorial. I hope to hear from you regardless. You all had a role in helping her feel safe, and loved ... and gave meaning to her life.
by on
Categories: Ragmates, Sanity • Tags: ,
41

41 comments

  1. Beth from Still Life Pond

    Oh… Christi. Her island life and beautiful collies. Dear Flora. Thanks for reposting her husband’s loving words.

    And your stitching on the first pic. I sat with that for a while. The texture and flow. Somehow so tender.

    Reply
  3. Patty

    I did not know Christi. She was blessed to have love in her life and to be missed and remembered in her death.
    Here in Wisconsin my bleeding hearts have come and gone. Enjoy them and life while we can.

    Reply
  4. sharon

    love those pods as much as the flowers… life, death ‘n new possibilities all connected somehow. even for those of us who didn’t know christi, her story brings joy. thanks for being, jude. and for “being jude”. x

    Reply
  5. Faith

    OMG! I’m in tears. Your PS posted while I was writing my comment below. But for a few relatively minor differences, what Ed wrote. I could have written for my beloved Iqbal.

    Reply
  6. Tina

    Thanks for posting this of Christi. My dad died of esophageal cancer 5 years ago. She sounds like she was a beautiful person.

    Reply
  7. Faith

    I haven’t been Doing for too many days, but today is the kind of day that seems just for not doing–ideal temperature, but only partly sunny, and very still. Though trees in the distance are moving a bit, mine are not moving at all. And it’s very quiet today.

    I like your heart cloth, but I FEEL The Liquid Puzzle. Yet have no words for it or about why.

    Bleeding heart is such a pretty flower. I have not had good luck with it it, let alone having it seed, but it is something I’ve been wanting to try again. Maybe I need to make sure I get the variety that is native to the PNW.

    I’m sorry to hear about Christi. I didn’t know her, though the name is vaguely familiar (which means I probably saw a comment here by her, at some time). It feels like we’ve lost so many lately. Probably related to our age. But as my mom used to say “Death is a part of Life,” and as someone who believes in life after death, it is just changing our clothes. Not that any of that reduces the ache of that empty space for those of us left.

    Reply
    • jude

      the liquid puzzle is meant to be a feeling.
      The bleeding hearts were here, not sure why they do so well.
      Life and death, hard to know what to believe. I think what we believe is developed to help us accept it all.

      Reply
  8. deanna7trees

    Thanks for posting that Jude. So sad but sounds like she was so well loved and cared for. Happy that the life she had as an adult was full of receiving and giving love.

    Reply
  9. Nancy

    Jude~ I do not recall Christi and the links don’t work (for me?), so I can’t jog my memory…but I send out condolences to all who knew her. I often think of the many ragmates from the ‘old days’ – the ones I never hear from/about any longer and feel a certain wistfulness for those times. Even now when I see a familiar name from back then (Hi Hazel. Hi Deanna), there is a little surge of joy. The connections run deep and stick.
    For Christi and her loved ones, May her memory be a blessing.
    For us all, may we care for our bleeding hearts, so they remain light and strong.
    (((hugs)))

    Reply
    • Nancy

      Thank you for posting this Jude. I’m sure I read her comments, if she did so, back in the day. I’m grateful to know she lived and dies with so much love.
      xo

      Reply
  10. Tina

    I’m sorry you lost a friend. It is great to take breaks. Today I did too, maybe your post had something to do with that. I am sitting here looking at my backyard with this crazy wind blowing the trees and as scary the wind is its also beautiful – each leaf reflecting the sun. A baltimore oriole took a bath and its feathers are so bright orange its humbling. Take it in and be happy to be alive I guess.

    Reply
  12. Hazel

    Sorry to hear about Christi, thank you for sharing. Bleeding hearts have been a favorite since childhood, a fairy flower. Always happy to see your Sanity works, the strength and softness of and in them.

    Reply
  15. Peggy McG

    So sorry to hear of the loss of a Ragmate. I did not know her but will go check out her page to honor her and you.
    I had a bleeding heart plant that grew and grew every year in a yard I no longer have. I had never seen it with seed pods!
    Nature continues to amaze me.

    Reply
  17. Nancy D

    Moody. My kind of day, especially for a walk in Nature. It’s a shock to find out of a friend’s leaving this earth, a long time afterwards. It’s like suddenly there’s a hole. Take that walk in Nature, and be blessed by the bleeding hearts. There are no coincidences in this World.

    Reply

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