Feel free

Why me?

it's a jungle here

It' greener than green here.

Rains everyday. Hardly an hour goes by without, at least, a sprinkle.

The porch roof need to be replaced.  It is rotted through.  Big job because part of the regular roof will need to be replaced as well to make it work.   The inspector, when I bought this house was a liar.  The sale was contingent on porch roof repair.  They sent us the receipt for the work and inspected again.  What is wrong with people?

Maybe it's a good time to consider glass, greenhouse style.  Yeah, I will dream on.  While I sit in this chair and bitch, waiting for an appointment with an orthopedist.

I put the houseplants out on the deck for the summer.  The palm sprouted a new round of fronds from the center and grew 2 feet in a week.   Japanese beetles.  That is what's eating a lot of what I plant.  And slugs.  And I just finished reading an article on local weeds.  So many of them are what I actually want to grow/ are growing beautifully here.  And now I know how to poison them. What is wrong with people?

What is wrong with me?

Maybe it's the humidity. The selfish bitch almost took over. Nah, I won't pretend it isn't a regular occurrence.


Me right now

I hung it this way today. The map of Everything is So Fragile.

A long night of feeling sorry for myself, reasons less important today,  as I ask myself what is it? What is it that we think we deserve?  As if there is "someone" to beg for it.  Rationing it.   As if  simply just still being here isn't good enough.

The man likes statistics.  He uses them as a creative tool. He handed me this today. 60%, 60% of the world's population, 4.5 billion people have no access to toilets.

I'm going to limp down to the garden, I spot a sunflower!

I had to order a new battery for my video camera.  Soon.

63 comments

  1. Bellwilde

    It’s the food chain from beginning to end. Trying to control nature can be a lesson in balance beauty/frustration.

  2. I keep seeing that reverse side as an abstract map of the USA! Great lakes, California and west coast, down to Florida and then ‘east’ is South America… All out of whack and proportion of course!

  3. Joanne in Maine

    For the past few days/weeks- I have noticed how wet my face is- tears running out of my eyes. Sadness. And at times- after the news- hopelessness. But I carry on. Not well, but still moving. And I have toilets. That does put Life in perspective. Toilets. That work. And water I do not have to carry. My computer is dying -slowly- each day some little thing is gone. and I will miss you Jude when I can no longer come see your pages.

  4. Ohh dear Jude… what an intense and heartfelt comment… I sort of felt weights on my shoulders… yes, what is it that is wrong with people… ?SOME people, thankfully there are plenty of those who care.
    Stay with it, it will all balance itself out. With a big hug from Cornwall, ..where it rained up to yesterday as well so so much… Brigitte 🌸

  5. Fumiko Wellington

    Japanese beetles go together with roses. They feast at night but cannot survive in the light. So those garden lamps that you can plant in a pot or the garden and turn themselves on in the dark are good. Slugs, o well. Luckily here there are all kinds of birds and feral chickens that eat them, but it’s never over..
    I do continue to be inspired and uplifted by whatever work you are doing, stitching, bitching… I love it all.
    Thank you, Jude.

  6. Diatomaceous earth sprinkled around plants will stop the slugs. Chickens are great for the Japanese Beetles.
    Hang in there, fall is coming. And I agree with going after the liars. Gets irritating.

  7. Stacey

    Crushed egg shells scattered around plant bases will help keep slugs away and, of course, salt. I have not found a satisfactory method for salt in the garden environment but may be worth exploring.

  8. Marilee

    In my experience, men are like that about statistics. Yes, I’m grateful I have a toilet . . . actually, two toilets . . . but what does that have to do with whatever else is wrong. Right?
    Hope the foot improves. I have foot problems, too, so I sympathize. Of course, if I would lose 50 pounds mine would probably get better. If my husband were still alive I’m sure he could have worked that info into a statistic, too.

    • jude

      He’s, was, a systems analyst.
      I actually think it had a lot to do with what is really important.
      No bitching this morning.

  9. amaranda de jong

    Why is it always the nice people who get ripped off ?!!!! and they even gave you a receipt, dear god keep safe hope foot recovers soon x

  10. Linda

    we used laban for our back porch. It lets in light and is good for years. They even have ones that are sun shielding. Good luck

  11. Dakotah

    If everyone took a page out of Willie Nelson’s book and smoked a doobie once in a while they would have a lot better perspective on things. Helps a lot with pain and mental outlook.

    Japanese beetles and slugs…these are two of my duck’s favorite foods! Maybe you should consider getting some. Khaki Campbells lay fabulous eggs too. Just need a secure place for them at night.

    Showing the back of stitch work has always been to me like taking a picture of the dirty dishes after you cook a fabulous meal. 😂

    • jude

      I think it seems to help because it kills brain cells ha! Numbness though. is not always the best solution. But tempting.
      I know the beetles well from childhood. We used to collect jars of them off the rose hedge.
      and ha!

      • Dakotah

        I haven’t seen a beetle hatch this year maybe because it’s been so wet. We have a lot fewer bugs all around. In past years I have caught dozens of beetles at a time and fed them to the ducks. And it’s always entertaining watching them catch their own.

        It’s alcohol that kills brain cells. Every drink triples your estrogen levels and can cause a drunken rage. I rarely ever drink because it gives me a headache. To each his/her own I guess 🙂

        • jude

          Yes. “medicine” is personal. Pot make me feel happy, comfortably numb, but it kills my creative stream, even though when I am high I feel brilliant, later I realize I’ve simply tricked myself into accepting less. And the thought has been broken.
          And alchohol is definitely as you say, the real poison.

  12. Jen NyBlom

    One way, or another, maybe next week….
    Yep. I think we are all in this weird little ark together, muttering, grumbling, waving our arms (hallelujah)…& EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. the sky mutters, grumbles, weeps here…(and I mutter to myself “it’s better than drought, it’s better than wildfires” like a demented hermit chanting a mantra) casting side-wise glances at every single thing that irritates me, watching the grass rot with too much rain.
    In a moment of optimism I purchased 5 echinacea plants in varying colors and lo, and behold! Every day, flitting butterflies…HURRAH!
    The sun’ll come out tomorrow, tomorrow…right? RIGHT!?

    Hope your foot heals and your roof holds out for proper repairs on a sunny day. <3

    Hurray for sunflowers!

  13. Sharon Koch

    the blue ‘n white constellation map is gorgeous. as is your greenhouse porch. the random sunflower cracked me up. in the face of disappointment… tah-DAHHHH!!! feelin’ grateful for my toilet. you are dearly loved, jude, sore foot ‘n all. x

  14. Judy

    Oh, so many thoughts. I’ll be 75 in a couple of months. I felt invincible before covid. Now I feel fragile, like a sitting duck, as though anything can happen…any day. Mom didn’t talk about it, I was too busy balancing work demands and teenagers. Physical discomfort and limitations are so hard to accept, how fortunate we are not to have the experience until this age. I love the statement the backside of your piece makes Jude! One day at a time…there is a flip side.

  15. debgorr

    This side is just as beautiful as the other, maybe more so. I spent a half hour talking to my 94 year old grandmother yesterday. It was a hard conversation…and I am left with life is complicated. Sending love.

  16. Becky McQueen

    Sorry it’s one of those days. Yesterday I was thinking about how often I am moved to tears, either by how amazing and beautiful the world is or how monstrous humans can be.
    I have to hold both of those thoughts in order to be fully alive and sometimes it really is exhausting. And your physical pain….oh, the physical pain and the doctors and….the one part of youth I miss is being physically stronger and not needing to evaluate pain level before I plan the day.

  17. grace

    the map…a visual of it All…things being eaten, digested and then sent Out as pathway and substance for
    pathmaking dead ends but dead ends that require a JUMP to over there things held tightly but then
    just dropped the place at the bottom to reconnoiter

  18. Sally Hickerson

    Same experience here in SW Texas! We were told roof had been repaired, inspector said “All Good!”
    First rain came thru ceiling of my studio & bathroom like a shower! Pouring in as if there was a faint hole!
    Inspectors…. waste of money!

  19. vickiseastrom

    This showed up in my inbox this morning and I feel moved to share it widely. “Gratitude is so much more than a polite thank you. It is the thread that connects us in a deep relationship, simultaneously physical and spiritual, as our bodies are fed and spirits nourished by the sense of belonging, which is the most vital of foods.” ROBIN WALL KIMMERER. I am grateful for the threads of belonging you offer us daily, that each of us may take up in our way, interconnecting, sharing ourselves just as we are. It’s OK. We need to say what we feel to clear space for what we need. All of us are struggling in some way unique to what we need to grow. Not easy yet necessary. Hang onto the threads you offer us, Jude! That tug as you sew lets us is tug back!!!

  20. Victoria

    Didn’t your Mom tell you that a there would be days like this? When everything seems wrong and impossible to change and that makes a person feel helpless and hopeless? There is always tomorrow and perhaps the sun will shine brightly and things will seem more doable. Take heart!

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